I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
