Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
