I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
