i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
