I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
