oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
