You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
