I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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