You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
