Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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