Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
