Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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