I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
