yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
