I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
