if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Help. Why am I so naked?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
