CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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