K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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