She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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