I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
