As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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