i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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