The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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