I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
