Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
