Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
