he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
