i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
