You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
