I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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