I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
