I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
