I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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