I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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