I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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