How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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