I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
