oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
