Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Found your dick twin last night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
