I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
