Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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