yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
