I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
