i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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