Cold hands, warm shart.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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