Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
