I like my sex mixed with concussions.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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