Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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