I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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