I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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