i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
