did you get engaged???
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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