At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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