Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
