Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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