It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
