Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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