With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
