I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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