By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize