As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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