TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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