i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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