Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
