someone threw a dead crab at me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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