So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
