you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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