what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
