CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
