Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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