rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
