gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
