Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
