Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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