no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
