What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
