vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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